I am near.

What a year... pausing to reflect and to remember.
As I reflect it may seem as I may be vomiting words as they come...

The months in between each post is never intended yet the moments I allow myself to pause are few and far between. Why is it that I feel the need from myself for permission to pause? Pausing allows feeling. And I am not always up to feeling unless its all good...
Yet, this is where I am at. Here in this moment. On this particular day. I give myself permission to be here. And feeling.

 You see, hard is hard. Each one of us are experiencing difficult circumstances either directly personal or experiencing them from the effects of others.  All matters we cannot control. I tend to clench my fists tightly... and Gods tendency is always to gently release that tight grip.
 
  My sister, I cannot take away her brain tumor that each day effects her life as a young woman, a wife, a mama of 3 young children. I cannot be there to hold her hand in doctor appointments or hold her close as she again hears more bad news.  I can't hold her as she loses strength walking or cheer her on when she pushes a little further to run a few feet.  I simply can't bring her a Starbucks and sit with her. I can't take her babes and send her for a massage or pedicure...or both in that fact. I can't because there are hundreds of miles between us. This I find anger, clinching my fists fighting God that I am not near her... yet in His gentleness He grabs me time and time again, and whispers "Chele, but I am."

My brother, a daily recovering addict. I can't heal him.  I can't restore our family relationships.  I can't be with him as he musters up courage to walk in weekly to his meetings or to function without substance.  I can't be there to celebrate his 5, 10, 15, 30 day sober and drug free moments! I want to be next to him as he walks this journey.. yet the miles between us are many... clinching my fists fighting God that I am not near my brother in this time.... in The Fathers gentleness, He once again grabs me and whispers "Chele, but I am."

As a church planters wife.... watching loneliness settle in on my husband... Nights filled with restless thoughts of the lack of security in finances, relationships, wonders of the doors closing, to getting second jobs. No miles between him and I yet not always being near.  Clinching fists once again I find myself, fighting God with all the "if only's" and "maybe it would be better's." ... In the Father's gentleness, He once again grabs me " I am near. I have not left.. nor will I leave."

The new chapter in my life as a mama... both boys being in school and me discovering who I am as more than a mama to 2 amazing boys... I still am in wonder. Asking the constant questions to God of who I am and the unique purpose He has for me.  Figuring out who He says I am and that being enough... it has been a heart wrenching journey... Yet My Father, gently reminds me " Chele, I am near."

From the cancer that has swept through the family, to broken relationships, muddy waters and clear. God grabs us and reminds us "HE IS NEAR"
Gods tendency is always to gently release that tight grip as we learn to live with our hands wide open.

So let us trust that, Emmanuel, God IS with us. And may we ask Him to help us in our unbelief.

Stay awake my heart, stay awake.

August 8. 2013 came.
The school bus pulled up right in front of our condo. Freddy & I hugged and squeezed both our boys... Whispering prayers in both their ears. Trusting and hopeful.
It was a new adventure...for all of us. A bit easier for most.

Ryder got on the bus confident and strong. He reminded me that this was nothing new to him, he was in second grade now.
Scout, our youngest, he ran and bounced right on the bus like he had been doing this all along. He was brave & courageous, ready to tackle Kindergarten.
Both looking out the window, Freddy and I were waving. The boys had huge smiles and were excited to embark on this new journey, this new adventure...
I stood there waving until I could see the bus no longer... My heart felt heavy, messy yet so very excited for this new adventure the boys were going to experience this next year... or even day, yea, lets say day, trying to take a day at a time here.

Freddy grabbed my hand and dragged me to the end of the street, to wave once more at the bus... I am not sure if this was more for me or for the boys... none the less, we made it.
They still wore their courageous smiles on their face.
I was at a loss for words. Its as if my heart was being taken away from me.

I began experiencing this sense of preparation of my heart in February of this year. Knowing that Scout would be opening a new chapter of his life, and I would as well.
I had a sense that these feelings of not wanting the moment to come, not for Scout, but for me. I didn't want to be left.
Scout was so ready for Kindergarten... you would think I would be, after a summer of loud, wrestling matches on our family room floor. But I would have those loud wrestling matches here any day.

It was often told to me that " when your boys go off to school you are going to have a party!" and if not the day of "give it a couple weeks."
I didn't... I haven't, well, maybe a "pity party."

As I have been in this constant conversation with The Father, I am asking this day, that I may live awake amongst this deep sense of loneliness. That I may grasp The Father's purpose uniquely created for me. I am being made whole.  

It may seem that I am late to the reading of "One Thousand Gifts" but I look at it, that I am just in time.
 Today I was reading the words of Ann Voskamp and was reminded that God has secret purposes for each of us. Ones that are rarely seen.
She writes that "Gods love letter forever silences any doubts. He renames us- to return us to our true names, our true selves... His secret purpose- our return to full glory."

As all these feelings float to the top of my heart, in the past I often had pressed them back down so I didn't have to feel them... I know this well of myself...

So, today, in this moment, I choose to feel. I choose to be here, in this ache of this loneliness that often swallows me.
I choose to believe in the goodness of the Lord.

Stay awake my heart, stay awake.

Signed, Sealed & Delivered || Ephesians 1 || [P.3]

Wow. It really has been a week since the last post, hasn't it?!

With school being out and summer here I feel like we have been celebrating all week long!
Which is beautiful because our community here does celebrate well!
Summer time in our home consists of 2 boys and 1100 sq. feet. Lord help me! 
And several trips to the nearest snow cone stand! As many times as I want to lock myself in my room and give myself a "time out" there are so much beauty in these moments... I call our life a "beautiful chaos."
Today, find the beauty in the chaos around you... I know it will be there and promise it is beautiful.
 

Alright ladies, lets continue this journey with Paul as we finish up chapter one in Ephesians.

^13-14 It’s in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what’s coming, a reminder that we’ll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.

"Signed, sealed and delivered! I yours!"  Each time I read this, this song pops into my head! But there is truth here. Paul saying that when we come under the submission of Christ, following him, it is "signed, sealed and delivered." We are His! When something is signed, sealed and delivered it is finished. Nothing can be done to correct or change it. Nothing. 
Because of Christ and that he paid the price for us, it is finished! There is nothing more that needs to be done, nothing. 
He is putting all things back to its right and proper place that he has planned for us...let us give him all the praise and glory for this life.
We are "Signed, sealed, and delivered."


As a wife of a church planter and living life as a missionary, I find myself throwing my hands up and with nothing left to give, to serve.
 But as a mama, a wife, a neighbor, a friend "stopping" never an option. I still have to keep moving. We still have to keep moving. 
When I find myself with my hands up, wanting to raise the white flag, or to wash my hands of it all,  I often feel The Father grab my face and whisper "Finally! You cannot do this life without me. I am the one who raised him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from his rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ’s body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence." 
"Ladies, don't forget who I am!"
He fills everything with his presence... going back to the beginning, if he fills everything with his presence there is life there and where there is life, there is beauty.

 As Paul prays this for the faithful followers in Ephesus I then pray for you.
 That’s why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn’t stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I’d think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength! 
-Amen

Its because of Christ, in whom we are living for. He gives us endless energy and boundless strength. Thank you Jesus we are not expected to do this on our own.



 

Signed, Sealed & Delivered || Ephesians 1 || [P.2]

Good Morning Ladies

What does the day ahead look like? Not tomorrow or the next. But today?
Take a deep breath. Open your eyes to the color around. Listen. Really listen.
May the Father in Heaven be the focus of our love this day...Not missing a beat.

 ^7-10 Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we’re a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

Ready to dig in?

Here is an opportunity for us to take a deep breath in and then that very breath out. Read this with me:

"Jesus, the Messiah, poured his blood out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people... Not just barley free, either. Abundantly free!" (emphasis mine)

Okay, put the breaks on. Hold up!

Paul writes that because of Jesus Christ and his sacrifice we are free. There is NOTHING left to do. So let us stop doing and live. Truly live. 

John 10v10 says that "...Christ came to give abundant life."  In the English language we don't have a word that would translate this... It is saying that Jesus came to give us life to the fullest, to the fullest, to the fullest...
As Paul was writing here in Ephesians " we're free people...not just free, either. Abundantly free!"

 Why would we not want to experience this life that is full of freedom... full of the extravagant life that God has planned out for us before the foundations of the earth?!
To live in freedom we must surrender. Now is not the time to get overwhelmed here! 
Remember, it's a day to day, moment to moment surrender. With much grace we are invited into this abundant freedom that is only through Jesus and Jesus alone.

I want to challenge you and I alike to take a moment in thankfulness, thanking God that we are able to live in freedom because of Jesus' blood shed on the Cross. And let us pray that God will reveal to us the places in our hearts that we hold so tightly and refuse to surrender. Asking God to move in and bring freedom through His son. When we surrender ... Abundant freedom moves in.

There's more!

^11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Our culture, inside the church and out, shouts out to us, especially as women, "that we need to have this, or look like that, or live like them.." to find out who we are. 

Yet Christ is saying the complete opposite  .... So often I hear Him saying " wait up! Chele,  you are mine and I am yours. It is in me who you are and are living for! Nothing else will satisfy...Nothing!" 

I find, when Jesus is not the center of my affections I am tired and weary... yet I am taking from here and there to make up my identity at the moment...yes, I am tired! Trying to get from nothing that satisfies.

Paul writes intentionally first about abundant freedom because of Jesus and then reminding the people in Ephesus that Jesus Christ is their identity, where to "find out who they are and what they are living for."

Who are you living for?

What are you living for?

Jesus be the center of our lives..where we lift our eyes... That we may know you and make you known.

Amen 

____________________________________________________________________________

Here is what a friend, a fellow traveler has been learning on this journey through Ephesians thus far:

As I sat down and read through Ephesians 1:1-15, I was so encouraged by Paul. I 
love that Paul has this gift of encouragement and how he writes to us with grace

and peace. These past couple of days I have been raw. Discouraged. Worn out. Desperate.

Life has hit me hard this week. I have thrown my hands in the air and said. 
"I can't do this." Nor do I want to do this. Thankfully in these scriptures, God uses what
Paul writes to help bring me back to the purpose of it all.
The purpose. Jesus Christ. I am Redeemed. Chosen. Blessed. A loved child. In all 
my weaknesses, Jesus is my Strength. 
In all my feelings of lost, I am his chosen child.  I am shown love, when I definitely.
don't deserve it. I am shown grace, when I don't have it all together. I love how Paul

 states in verse 11, in Christ we find out who we are and what we are living for. So as I through these days of pain, rawness... I remember that in Christ, I am His.

xoxo Stacey

__________________________________________________________________________________

Again, I will ask

 What does the day ahead look like? Not tomorrow or the next. But today?
Take a deep breath. Open your eyes to the color around. Listen. Really listen.
May the Father in Heaven be the focus of our love this day...Not missing a beat.

^11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

 

Signed, Sealed & Delivered || Ephesians 1 || [P.1]

|| Ephesians 1 ||
[ P.1]  

 HEY Ladies!

So we will travel a 3 part journey through the first book of Ephesians. So much goodness up in there!

Tomorrow we will have a writer sharing a bit of where her journey is taking her as she has been traveling through Ephesians.. 

Let us know where God is taking you on this journey through Ephesians by posting on the blogs comment space.

 Again, life is more beautiful when we do it together!

Lets Dig in!

There are seasons in life where no matter what season in, the season is FULL. Whether a student who's life seems full with studies, guys, friendships, going out.. it is full.

A working woman, who's job seems to fill much of life's space..it is full. Or a stay at home mama with young kids...it is full. These seasons, may be filled with joy, sleepless nights ,  barley making it or just feeling lifeless...it is full. 

Paul writes in Ephesians 1 that "God had us in mind as He was planning the beauty of the universe..." (emphesis mine)
 Stop and think about this for a moment. We are constantly on His mind "before the foundations of the earth were laid...We are the focus of His love." 

Soak this in. Praise Him. Thank Him. We are the thought on His mind...to bring Him glory forever. 

To be made whole and holy by the One he loves, Jesus Christ.

So, in the season of FULL... be reminded that "We are the focus of His love... being made whole during each season.. becoming more like His son..."

Today, be intentionally watchful as the days goes...my he be the focus of our love.

Father God, I pray that as it is said that we are the focus of your love, because of Jesus, we are being made whole. May you stir our affections for you. Stealing our focus from the fullness of the season to focusing on your deep love and affection. 

So we may know you and make you known.
Amen.

Lets begin the journey || Ephesians

Hey Ladies!

I am really excited to travel through Ephesians together. This is a time where we read, dig deep, praying that the spirit will awaken us a bit more. And, life is more beautiful when we do it together! 

So let's start! 

When beginning reading through scripture, it is always important to get context. 
Who is writing? Where are they writing from?  Who are they writing to? 
 For me, it makes scripture come alive!
 
|| EPHESIANS ||

  1 ^1-2 I, Paul, am under God’s plan as an apostle, a special agent of Christ Jesus, writing to you faithful believers in Ephesus. I greet you with the grace and peace poured into our lives by God our Father and our Master, Jesus Christ.

Dig in with me.. Take yourself there...

Paul, chained to a Roman guard, not convenient at all, writing to the "faithful Christ followers" in Ephesus. Ephesus is now, near the present day Turkey. It is said that John took Mary, Jesus' mother, there to live out her last years. It is also said to have been the city of joy! Just as in the U.S. each year, there is a list of the "most happy city" or " the most depressed city" and so on...

 Ephesus was known as the city of Joy! I would want to live right there! Would you not?!

So knowing this, I am assuming that there are a lot of Christ Followers that are in the city. Yet, Paul writes to the "faithful Christ followers." There was a distinct difference made there. He wasn't just writing to the Christ Followers but to the faithful ones... Let this marinate a minute.

 I took the second verse from a different perspective, as Paul greets the faithful ones...

God, our Father and 

our master Jesus Christ pours

grace and peace 

into our lives.       

I have been trudging through these few scriptures this last week with questions marinating in my heart..wrecking it yet bringing me back to the beauty and power of the gospel.

Am I a faithful follower of you Lord Jesus? 

Where am I experiencing your grace in my life currently? 

Where am I experiencing your peace in my life currently?

So, I will then pass these questions to you.. let them seep down deep into your heart as we respond in repentance and then freedom knowing full and well that He is not safe.. yet is so good.  

Share. Encourage. As we are seeking him together!

 Father God, 

I pray that we rest in your hope in your peace and your much grace. May we be women clothed in strength and dignity. Because of your son Jesus we may know you. Amen